What Happens When Pets Become a Problem?
Pet therapy
Dog Walking and Increased Health
Pet Attachment and Decreased Loneliness
Pet Ownership and Decreased Cardiovascular Disease
The Healing Power of Pets for the Elderly
These are just some of the articles on the benefits of pets for seniors. But what happens when your mom or dad can no longer take care of their pet? What if you’re worrying about mom even being able to take care of herself? How many times have you cringed watching your mom almost trip over her little dog? And what happens when you’re not there? What to do with their beloved cat or dog can be a brutal conversation. This week we’re looking at one family’s move to senior living and the pets that couldn’t go.
There are countless articles and studies about the benefits of pet ownership at any age. Do you have a dog or cat at home? Or two or 5? What’s it like? Do they keep you active? Do you talk to them like I do to my bossy cat? Now imagine waking up one day and they’re gone. For many seniors, there comes a time when they just can’t continue caring for their pets. If you have pets or have had pets… you probably remember what it was like to say goodbye.
Many families struggle with the conversation about mom or dad needing assistance…assistance around the house or even with care. You see the need and trust me your mom or dad sees it too…But actually facing it.. actually saying out loud that you’re worried about them…can be really hard…Have you thought about this conversation? The one about their best friend…The one keeping them company.. keeping them active? There are so many reasons pets are good for seniors… and now you want to talk about taking their best friend away!? I know! It’s a little stressful.
I worked with a family whose parents had 3 dogs and several cats. When I visited their home, it was very very clear that they just couldn’t take care of their pets. Their family of pets was also one of the reasons they resisted moving to a senior living community. They couldn’t imagine leaving their furry friends. Unfortunately, it had become increasingly clear that they were also struggling to take care of themselves. A neighbor had already called adult protective services…worried about their situation. And of course their kids were worried too but they lived out of state and it’s a little bit harder to get a clear picture of exactly what’s going on when you can’t be there every day. Maybe this is your situation too. It’s even harder.
But let’s get back to all these benefits. It seems like a pet would be a great idea! Last week we talked about seniors feeling a loss of independence when they move to a community. A pet can be a great way to feel more independent. It can definitely help with the transition. But while there are amazing benefits to owning a pet…they can also present some problems. Here are some questions to ask yourself if you’re wondering if it’s time to have this conversation.
Are your parents experiencing physical limitations like bending over that prevent them from chores like cleaning out the litter box or walking the dog.
Does your mom have any respiratory conditions that are made worse by pet dander?
Are you worried about potential falls?
How does pet care affect your parents’ financial situation?
Is your dad’s pet actually making him less likely to socialize with others?
Who will take care of the pet if your mom or dad become sick or end up in the hospital?
My clients had to have this difficult conversation. The fact that APS was called gave them an opening. They were out of state and couldn’t help with pet care, they couldn’t take the pets themselves and there were no family members or friends that were able to either. They ended up re-homing all of the pets. This was a devastating decision, but their parents had to move to assisted living. Many states offer no kill shelters or breed specific rehoming services and the family used these resources.
Most senior living communities do allow pets but they usually only allow one and there are usually weight and breed restrictions. Did you know that many in-home care companies and senior living communities can add pet care to the care plan? There are also independent services such as Rover that can help your aging parents continue to care for their best friend.
Even though this couple could’ve kept one pet at the senior living community they moved to, they chose not to. When faced with the reality of giving up their pets and having to choose just one? They chose not to choose.
If your parents do agree that they can no longer care for their pets, consider creating a photo album…something they can share when they move to senior living community. Many senior living communities also provide pet therapy and of course there will be other residents with pets…I’m guessing they’ll make fast friends with those folks.
In the end…my client’s parents, although sad to see their pets go? Also felt relief. Taking care of those pets had become a burden. Now…no one wants to admit that their pets are a burden and of course they were sad. They were also relieved and happy they were going to new homes. They understood they were no longer able to care for them. No matter your situation, what to do with your mom’s dog or dad’s cat.. can be a tough conversation but hopefully this article makes it a little more doable.
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