Your mom fell at home. She’s in rehab and everyone agrees that she’s just not safe at home any longer. You’re busy with work…the kids …your mom’s cat and of course your mom! Talking to doctors and physical therapists and social workers…and now you have to add touring senior living communities to your list? I’m your host Valerie Lynn and this week we’re talking about how to make the most out of the senior living tour.
Hi and welcome to the show…. you may already know that I have a company called Clear Path, that helps families find the right assisted living or memory care…. Part of my job is accompanying families on tours and touring communities myself on a regular basis. Before I started my company I worked in senior living…and I was that tour guide!
It occurred to me recently…that these tours of senior living are pretty much the same. You’ll stop in or call ahead…you’ll sit and chat about your situation or you might jump right in to being shown around….and most of the time the tour guide has their route…highlights…things they like to point out and many times these are things you’re not even interested in because you know your mom doesn’t really care about the piano player that comes in once a week.
They call the tour guide the marketer or move in coordinator and when your job is to give the tours you get comfortable with a certain way of doing it and in some cases are taught a certain way by the community or a third party company. I found myself in these situations too! The bottom line is that the tour guide or marketer is a sales position. Even though there are plenty of people out there like myself who really care about what you’re going through and really want to help, most of the marketers out there are being held accountable for how many move ins they get in a month.
I’ve always told families to go with your gut…choose the place that feels right. But we’ve all heard the saying …people buy from people they like…. so how can you make sure that you’re choosing the right place for your loved one and not just because you really like the tour guide?
Well this week we’re going to talk about a few tips for doing just that.
But before we get to some tips…I want to share the story of a family I helped when I worked in memory care. Their mom was living in her own home but had started to get her days and nights mixed up and was knocking on her neighbors door at 2am. This occurred more than once. She then had a fall and ended up in the hospital. They realized it was time and were looking for memory care. We sat down and talked and the family was really overwhelmed. I toured with two of the sisters…they thought our building was a good fit so they chose us and moved forward with paperwork and setting up the room. I’ll never forget the day of the move. I met the third sister… they had literally moved in all of the furniture… their mom was to arrive in about 3 hours…and the third sister looked around the room stopped at the window and said… um… doesn’t mom always think someone’s trying to break in? We were on the first floor…we all looked at each other and I knew instantly this was not going to work. Luckily we had a second floor and we quickly got everything moved. This story leads us to the first and probably most important tip.
1.Make a list of deal breakers for your loved one
Is it that first floor window? Is it being able to eat dinner in the dining room at 4pm? Is it being able to get out of the building on day trips? Whatever they are, know the things that are most important before you tour.
2.Don’t go alone!
You’re most likely already overwhelmed. It’ll help to have someone else to talk through what you saw and remember details. This is one of the things that families have said they really liked about working with us at Clear Path. We’re able to be that sounding board. If you aren’t able to find someone to go with you then bring that list of deal breakers and any questions those bring up.
Really look around at the other residents and staff. Do the staff seem attentive? Are the residents content? Now, I’m not saying that everyone should be expected to be happy all the time…we’re certainly not and I’m sure your mom or dad probably has a bad day every now and then. But you can definitely get a feel for the environment and if it seems off you can ask about it. Maybe there’s a reason for the bad day. Also, really look around at the building… is it in disrepair? Is it dirty? Will that matter to your mom or dad or does it just matter to you? Again, going back to that list of deal breakers…Is cleanliness or having a new building or freshly painted and remodeled apartment on the deal breaker list?
3. Chat with the residents
Ask them how they like living there. Of course this would not apply to memory care. This is for the independent living or assisted living buildings and there are often residents in these communities, sometimes called ambassadors, that will introduce themselves and tell you how much they love the community. I love these folks because they’re also usually the ones who will make sure your mom or dad feel comfortable and get introduced around, if they move in. But make sure you also talk to the folks sitting around the fireplace, doing an activity or riding the elevator with you! You’ll sometimes get some great insider information!
5. Assess and understand your expectations (and give yourself some grace!)
Finally, ask yourself what your expectations are then remind yourself that you’re new to this! You can’t be expected to know what’s normal, what’s mandated by state regulations or even what’s not normal. There are no dumb questions! When I first started working in senior living I was so excited! I thought wow! I get to help seniors! I get to chat with them everyday and learn from them and be part of their home.. I quickly learned that yes…we’re helping seniors but it’s also a business. So do your best to approach it like a business. And hopefully that will help avoid any big problems after move in day and help make your decision a little more doable.
Here’s a bonus tip:
You know your mom or dad best…be prepared to walk away if it doesn’t seem right, it’s not a good fit or you’re not getting answers to your questions.
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