Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Guilt is by far the number one emotion our clients struggle with and don’t usually ask us about.
Here are some common guilty admissions:

1. My Mom keeps calling me at all hours and sometimes I have to let it ring.
2. My Mom always said she wanted to die at home but with her dementia it’s just not safe…
we have to find another solution.
3. I really want to help my Dad but I also work full time and have a family…I can’t go over
there every day.
4. My Mom doesn’t remember when I DO visit so I’m sure she won’t remember if I miss this
week. I’ll just tell her I was there.
5. My son wants me to keep my husband at home but I just can’t care for him. I’m stressed
and tired all the time. I’m sure if my son was here he’d realize what he was asking.

The first thing I want to say to you is that it’s ok. All the guilt is completely normal and even if
you think you’re not feeling guilt about not answering the phone…you probably are.

With integrity, you have nothing to fear,
Since you have nothing to hide.
With integrity, you will do the right thing,
So you will have no guilt.
– Zig Zigler

I didn’t expect to include a business quote but it’s perfect…especially when it comes to senior
living and most especially when it comes to memory care. If you’re coming from a place of love
and respect….if your decisions are based on what’s best for you and your loved one…then
you’re on the right track. You can start to let go of that guilt.

Here are some of the things I tell my clients:
1. Give yourself permission to not answer the phone especially if your loved one is in a
protected environment.
2. Caregivers often get sicker that those they’re caring for because of the emotional and
physical stress.
3. Self care will help you give care.
4. “Creative truths” may be necessary to help someone who doesn’t know they need help.
5. You are not alone.

It’s true that most of my clients aren’t able to let go of the guilt until they’ve settled on a
solution and the transition is complete. Sometimes it takes knowing that someone else is
responsible for caring for their loved one so that they can just enjoy their time with them.
Sometimes it’s just knowing you’re not alone.

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