Making Your Search for Senior Living Personal and Advocating for Your Loved One’s Purpose
Your mom loves a viewâŠyour dad loves talking shop with the guysâŠyour cousin used to paint … .your uncle was a farmerâŠgardenerâŠ.swimmer … .dancer. Assisted Living and Memory CareâŠ.Itâs not just about bingo! While I love a good game of BingoâŠthis post is about advocating for a more personal experience for your loved one because, after all, Assisted Living and Memory Care are home.
If you live in a fairly populated area then itâs likely you have more than one option for Assisted Living. But even if you donâtâŠor if your finances have reduced your optionsâŠin this post weâre going to talk about how to make your search more personal and the transition for your loved one to senior living more successful by teaching the senior living staff about the things that excite and bring joy to your loved one. And let me be very clear … .What weâre talking about today isnât a magic pill that guarantees your mom is going to move into Assisted Living with a smile on her faceâŠchange is hard.
NowâŠfor those of you reading this who are currently working in senior living ⊠think of this episode as a tool for asking questions of your residents and their families. A way to find out how you can make the caregiving experience more personal and enjoyable for your residents.
Ok⊠so youâve started your search or thought about starting it and you may be feeling like so many other families that youâre at the mercy of the systemâŠthe senior living industry. Thatâs probably because youâre overwhelmed and itâs a BIG industry with so many variables.
But some of my favorite stories have come from finding that thing, that activity, that favorite food that made this really difficult transition a little more personal … .and making it personal to your loved one. This will increase their chances of a successful fulfilling experience.
Here weâre talking about independent or assisted living but donât worry, you can check out our previous blog post to learn more about how this can pertain to a memory care community. Memory care can be a little more challenging but I believe this approach is so important for all settings! The examples for memory care are just a little different as they are a little more creative and more detailed.
When you tour a retirement or assisted living community you should be shown an activity calendar. When I worked in senior living I would try to find out what your loved one liked before you came to tour and I would highlight the activity calendar so that you could easily share the calendar and point out to your mom or dad or grandpa or sibling that we had things your loved one could enjoy.
Here are a few things youâll often find on that calendar:
Bingo (of course)
Gardening
Musical entertainment
Movies
Happy hour for those that enjoy a glass of wine or a beer
Baking
Sewing
Art class
So you look at the activity calendar and you see all of these activities including the ones above and you think great! That works! But I donât want you to stop there. I want you to dig deeper.
So for example, letâs say the community talks about their garden club and raised garden beds. They even show you this amazing garden. Sounds great right? Every resident gets their own area to garden and you think wow! My dad is going to love this! But do they have any garden spots available right now? Will they have an open spot when your dad moves in? Are the current gardeners protective of the entire garden? How open are they to newcomers and what does the community do to help introduce a new person to the club and make them feel comfortable.
Now your dadâŠmay be great at fitting in and making new friends so maybe the most important question here is just the space. And if they say no thereâs no garden space availableâŠ. Then what are they willing to do to make more space? Can the community add another area for gardening? Or Is it going to be your dad bringing his plants and you providing the materials? Either wayâŠdigging deeper will help ensure your expectations, your dadâs expectations and the communityâs are met.
I was on a tour with a community who shared with us that a new resident loved to sew and was interested in starting a sewing club. So they made space for her sewing machines in one of their activity rooms.
Another community had a room full of booksâŠwhich you or I might call a library but a librarian might call a mess!! When they discovered a future resident was a librarian, they asked her if she would like to organize their books and she gladly accepted the challenge!
Another community creates space, events and classes for the artists that move in. Many times youâll tour a community and see really nice art hanging on the walls⊠look closely for those artist signatures! I love those communities whose walls are decorated with resident art.
But what if itâs not on the activity calendar? Iâll never forget the family I worked with when I worked in senior living. They were worried about their mom and dad living home aloneâŠdad had fallen while pruning their fruit tree which greatly diminished his ability to care for himself and they could see that both of their parents were strugglingâŠbut their parents really wanted to continue living in the house their father designed and built⊠I spent weeks getting to know this incredible couple, spending time in their home, learning about their fears and learning about the things they used to love. One of those things was Hawaii. They used to go every year on a big vacation until just a year or two earlier when the trip just became too much. So I decided that I was going to take them on a trip to Hawaii! I worked with our chef to create a tropical themed dinner and decorated one of our view apartments to resemble a tropical get away. They had an amazing evening. They got to experience the community on their terms and I have to say I got something out of it too. It felt so good to see how happy they were.
Creativity in care is so important. If you donât see what your loved one used to love on that activity calendar it doesnât mean it canât be in some way to some degree and you can absolutely advocate. If the community isnât willing or able to get creative to collaborate with you then ask yourself if itâs the right community.
One of my favorite visits to a community was as they were getting ready for open mic night! Thatâs right⊠they discovered that many of their residents were poets, storytellers and singers and so they created space and time for them and not just for these open mic nights but for other events too! I really loved the way they approached resident requests for the community! They introduced me to a resident as she came walking in with her dog. She had requested a dog park and so the staff saidâŠokâŠif you can put together a plan and get a few estimates, weâll consider it. They were not only considering her request but they were encouraging her purpose and she loved the challenge! She was so vibrant and full of life and honestly it was one of the overall happiest communities I had ever been to. I need to go back and see that dog park!
PurposeâŠ.I love that word. Thatâs really what weâre talking about today. Over the years Iâve heard many seniors express their fear that moving into senior living is going away to die. And you know whatâŠthere are a few communities Iâve been to that certainly felt that way. The love, the energy, the spirit was missing. I believe you can help advocate for this transition then this move to be a place for your loved one to live!
Many families start the search for senior living not just because of physical care needs but because of the lack of social interaction. By advocating for the things your loved one used to love but theyâve maybe lost their energy and purpose for, you are not only helping your mom or dad in this transition but youâre opening the door for the other residents and for the community itself to thrive.
Whew okâŠcan you feel the energy! Iâm so passionate about this!
99% of the families weâve helped list guilt about the move and fear about the transition as their top worriesâŠwhy? Because mom or dad donât want to move and maybe even made you promise that they could stay living in their homes … .but sometimes – a move is necessary. If youâre reading this today and youâre thinking wow I wish I wouldâve thought of asking these questions when my mom moved in or you work in senior living and youâre wishing your community felt more full of life âŠitâs never too late to start advocating! Hopefully this post helps make it a little more doable.
If youâd like to check out our blog post in podcast form, be sure to take a listen HERE!
Click HERE for our Doable Download, which provides the resources referenced in the post.
